With July 4th approaching: Here is some of your VERY SPECIFIC fireworks advice , *based on actual experience*? Starting with "Be very careful that you don't..."

1. Throw lit firecrackers into ponds stocked with bass on a countryclub golf   course, particularly if it's in your backyard. They're bound to ask questions about all the dead fish.

2. Trust a friend that says...'Hey y'all, watch this!'"

3.  Jokingly light a bottle rocket in your bedroom and point it at your buddy with the intention of snubbing the fuse out with your fingers.....

4.  Launch bottle rockets from your mouth.

5.  Hide snap-pops in your friend's sandwich.

6. Dump all of your fireworks into a bonfire cause it will 'look real cool' to have them all go off at once.

7. Build your grand finale around those little lame black snake pill things...

8. Load a hot mortar tube with a new shell then lean over tube to make sure shell went all the way down tube.

9. Eat oreos while throwing fireworks....getting the frosting on your finger will make the firecraker stick to your finger and go off before you can throw it...

10. Give the kids sparklers and then bring out dessert...

11. Set off fireworks on your grandparents's farm near the electric fence.

12. Hold your sparkler at just the perfect angle for your brother to turn his head and get a hot sparkler in his ear...

13. Assume that since a roman candle has a hole in the bottom that nicely fits a "C" model rocket engine that aforementioned GROUND firework will launch and fly like a model rocket...